By Nini Herman
The autobiography of a lady who underwent Jungian, Freudian and Kleinian research.
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Extra resources for My Kleinian Home: A Journey Through Four Psychotherapies into a New Millennium
Maids changed from pink, to mauve, to black through the hours of the day, as though in keeping with the sky. Caps of white perched on their heads, like frills on a crown of mutton roast. Cook was always swathed in white on the occasions when she rose from her kitchens way below. Food, which made the handle move, had to come up in a lift. The lift was very, very far from the nursery, of course. Three or four times every day, trays came within sight and reach. They were carried by a maid. Upon them rested silver cupolas like those on a Byzantine church.
W h e n the grass at last remained, Mother s a i d , ' T h i s is your S c h o o l . ' W i t h i n two minutes she had gone with a glazed and tearful face. T h e school was a paradise. Its name was Bedales. Mother wished to have us both beneath one roof. ' 1 T h i s sky-lift sent me into complete delirium for two years. Verboten is a G e r m a n word that knows of no equivalent in any other h u m a n tongue. It had been lifted suddenly. T h e C h a n n e l was the great divide. H e r e , on the new side, broke a dawn of sparkling possibilities.
Adults on 39 my side who said, 'Jolly good there'. And 'Well done' instead of 'Wrong' or 'Please be quiet'. Here was a sun that shone by night. Perpetual delirium. Boundless possibilities. In the obsolescence of what would one day be myself, I recognized with ecstasy that someone seemed to be at home. And yet, another part held back. What was the use of going free if some other half of me, called Mother, had remained behind, a victim of the endless fears no one spoke about. For the bravado which Mother wore was like an artificial limb.
My Kleinian Home: A Journey Through Four Psychotherapies into a New Millennium by Nini Herman