By Daniel Lyons
AWelcome to the mind—to the world—of faux Steve Jobs. pretend Steve the counterintuitive administration guru: “Obviously we can’t actually positioned our staff’ lives in danger. yet we need to cause them to think that way.” pretend Steve the fame hobnobber: “I like Bono. He’s the single individual i do know who’s extra self-absorbed than I am.”
Options is the ebook that had the critics howling—with laughter:
“A voice for our personal electronic age....Mac-slappingly funny.”—Newsweek.com
“Hilarious.”—New York Times
“There’s a laugh-out-loud second on approximately each of the book’s pages.”—Wall road Journal
“Wickedly funny.”—San Francisco Chronicle
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Additional resources for Options: the secret life of Steve Jobs: a parody
I’m off to the Tassajara meditation room with the iPhone circuit board again. Yes, I’m still obsessing about this board. But this product is more important than anything we’ve ever made. Right now we are living in the middle of what people in the Valley call an extreme inflection point. Every kind of information is going digital. Phone calls, movies, TV shows, music, books. To produce and consume digital media, you need computers. qxd 8/9/07 2:16 PM Page 47 around you becomes a computer. Your phone, your TV, your stereo.
I bought Pixar for ten million dollars and sold it to Disney for seven and a half billion. Not a bad return. Which leads me to my next point. The money issue. For a while I developed a complex about it. But fortunately I’m also a very spiritual person, having devoted many years to the study of Zen Buddhism, and this spirituality has really helped me deal with the guilt. My big breakthrough came on the day when my net worth hit the billion-dollar mark. It’s a big deal; ask anyone who’s been there.
A billionaire. Just saying it over and over, listening to the sound of that word. The thing about becoming a billionaire is that first you’re elated; then you’re freaked out; and then you start feeling guilty. But here is where my Zen training helped me. I sat down and meditated and forced myself to not think about my wealth. qxd 8/9/07 2:16 PM Page 35 It was this amazing moment of total humility and selfnegation. Two days later I woke up and invented the concept for the iPod. True story. The way I see it, I can’t really take credit for being so rich.
Options: the secret life of Steve Jobs: a parody by Daniel Lyons